Bowser81889

November 2nd, 2016: Hi everyone.  It's been a long time since I last updated this journal.  With things going on lately, I feel now would be the best time to kind of give an update on what's been happening.  I've mostly tried to keep a lot of this to myself and handle it on my own, but I've already let some friends know about my recent life circumstances through different places we interact at so I thought I'd let everyone else know too for anyone who reads my journals these days.  I'm going to paste what I already said about it on Discord, since it best summarizes everything we've been dealing with.  Honestly I'm hoping to push this journal out of the way soon enough, or even delete it after a short while since it's been a painful reminder of everything.

So, below in quotes is what I had to say about it.  For clarification, my Dad had to be rushed to the hospital two weeks ago at night because of a sudden medical emergency, in which he was admitted and a few days later he was told he would need a pacemaker and would need to undergo a procedure to place one in him.  My maternal grandma also passed away last Thursday after her health took a downturn from Parkinson's.  My grandpa who was married to her for sixty years has had his share of physical health issues and this recent turn of events of losing her isn't going to be easy for him.  The mention of my paternal great-uncle is because he has also been not doing so well, with his cancer returning and he can no longer undergo chemo treatments at his advanced age, and is doing his best to hang in there for as long as he can.  

"Thanks a lot for the support, guys.  I really appreciate it, honestly, and I'm honestly very sorry that a lot of the times you do see me around whenever I'm not commenting on your art elsewhere, that you see me all sad and down about life when I'm almost sure you guys have had your fill of it by now.  Wouldn't blame you there at all for feeling that way. It was already a jolt with my poor Dad, where a routine afternoon of doing laundry out at the laundromat resulted in this emergency. If we hadn't called 9-11, it is almost certain that we could have lost him according to his doctors, and when they were working on stabilizing him he said he passed out and had this vision of all these blurry-faced angels working on him to fix him, thinking they were preparing him for Heaven or something.  I'm lucky he's still here. With my grandma, I mean we were told things were going downhill, but I had no idea it'd be this fast.  My sisters and I visited her and my grandpa with other members of my mom's side of the family just last Saturday while my dad was still in the hospital for their 60th wedding anniversary, and I mean she was really out of it and zoned out and couldn't say much at all, but man...it happened all so quick. She passed away at home surrounded by family; my dad and I couldn't make it to see her but my dad did call the church in their town to call a priest and he rushed there right away to give her a prayer...and my grandma's sister and her husband who happened to be passing through the state managed to drop in and visit just a short while before she passed away that afternoon. Her services are on Thursday morning, so I know it's going to be hard trying to make it through. I'm even less certain of how well my grandpa will be going forward, since everything in his day was about her and now with just their live-in caretaker, it's just them and last I heard he isn't taking this too well at all understandably.  As for my great-uncle, he called our house the day before my grandma passed away I think and he had a nice long conversation with my Dad about things, so for the time being I'm just hoping he'll be able to keep going for as long as he possibly can...and if God forbid something happens to him she at least has plans to move in with her daughter and husband in Virginia so she'll not be lonely.  And with my own health issues, I've been struggling a lot with my winded feeling and anxiety among a few other things, but those are the top two that are really knocking me around and I really need to see some specialists. I have a few appointments booked this month as I'm trying to get seen while I still can, since I'm afraid of losing my insurance what with this upcoming presidential election going on and I have mine through the Affordable Care Act exchange, which has been a pretty contentious issue this campaign season. Money's been tight and whatnot, so we're just trying to make it by with what we can.  And...that's about all I can really say about this right now.  I'm honestly sorry for being so like this and you guys putting up with me like this. You deserve much better. Just gonna try to hang in there the best I can, I suppose...and hope for better and easier days ahead...hopefully..."

Also, I just wanted to post an update regarding anyone interested in my art updates.  I've still been working on them, and my second-to-last picture I had worked on since earlier this year is already finished.  I'm just waiting on a friend who kindly volunteered to digitally outline the shaded drawing for me at their own leisure and once they complete it, it'll be done totally.  It's the new character drawing I mentioned a long while back.  All that's left to do is shade my friend's long overdue birthday gift...but it might take me awhile longer to finish than I anticipated given life's recent events and the fact I'm having trouble trying to shade it the way I want to.  My sincerest apologies for the lateness, dude.  New updates are ready and will be shown when the time is better, hopefully soon enough once things hopefully settle down more so.

Thank you for reading...and I hope things can get better soon in some way for all of us.


---------------------------------And thanks for all the page views and favorites and comments! Without you guys, I definitely wouldn't be here right now. I really appreciate all your support!
Friends:

February 12th, 2015: Hey everyone.  Just wanted to clear out that old journal.  I've been meaning to make a new one, but was waiting for a good time to do so.  After the past several weeks of things going on, now felt like the best time to do so.  

A small update about my health relating back to the last journal, it's been relatively the same in some ways.  Dealing with bouts of anxiety and this continued winded feeling hasn't been easy to deal with daily, but I'm trying to manage the best I can.  Recently went to a cardiologist my primary doctor referred me to and underwent an EKG and a stress test on a treadmill.  The results showed my heart structure and activity are both strong and normal, so my heart is apparently healthy which is good news.  Still doesn't quite explain the constant winded feeling I've felt since November, but...it is what it is I suppose.  Also been having a bit of an issue getting enough sleep in my sleep cycle, finding it difficult at times to go back to sleep here and there.  Been dealing with a few small ups and a few downs, between my health and losing my hamster last month and financial issues on the latter half of the spectrum, but yeah.  Just doing my best to hang in there in any case.  Hopefully things will improve on my end somehow.  My dad's immobility is still causing him his own issues so I've been around trying to take care of him the best I can especially since my two siblings go to college and work part-time and he needs someone around to help him out with certain things.  He's thinking maybe some additional physical therapy or shots might help him, and we're leaning towards thinking this isn't gout but more so rheumatoid arthritis affecting his leg.  If that's the case, the best we can do is get him back as well as possible to walking well again enough on his own.  Hoping once things settle down we'll get around to working on trying to achieve some more progress in that area.  

Aside from that, and aside from the few people I've told already, we've been preparing our family for a move.  Packing boxes, making arrangements over the phone, securing things in place, cleaning things out, that sort of thing.  We've secured a ground floor apartment in a different building within the same development we've lived in since 2002, so we're finally getting off the third floor.  It'll make things considerably easier for my family in the way of transporting groceries and laundry around as well as just getting into our apartment without climbing stairs.  There's no elevators in these buildings, so climbing three flights of stairs has been troublesome over the years especially in recent times with the way my dad and I have both been feeling.  Bit concerned about the security and possible noise since we've never lived underneath anyone, but I'll be touring the apartment possibly sometime next week to get an early feel for the place and layout.  Just wanting to make it somewhat fresh without losing the familiarity of what I've been accustomed to all this time.  

With that being said, I'll be moving on March 2nd.  Our internet will be going out on March 1st, but we'll be packing up the plugged-in electronics like TVs, consoles, and the PC a few days earlier than that prior to the shut-off.  I've arranged for our cable company to come over two days after we move in to install all the necessary equipment and lines to get us back online within the new place.  However, it might be awhile even after that before you see me around here again.  It's been an exhausting process and I'll be busy helping unpack and getting things set up in the days and weeks ahead, so once I come back I might not have the energy to respond to a whole lot of new updates from others, but I'll do my best to try and respond to a few things at least if I can.  Can't make promises on that front though.  

Also again to friends who are primarily on Skype these days; just wanna remind all of you I'm sorry for not being around on it much in recent months to talk and hang out, but I still very much care about all of you and hope to see you all around there again soon enough!  Just makes it hard to get onto Skype these days with it only being PC-accessible to me and dealing with my pain condition in sitting for very long at it.  You can still catch me around here or other places you know where to find me that are easier for me to access on my Wii U browser, but otherwise yeah, hope to catch up with Skype friends soon enough.

And since this is an art website after all, I'll give a small update about art on my end.  I actually have several pieces of fully completed art dating back to origins in late 2014 sitting around in my Stash that I spent much of the past year working on, but I haven't finished a fourth piece that I started in November for a good friend's much belated birthday who already knows it's coming.  It's flat-colored and outlined, but I want to do a bit more with it like I normally do with my finished digital works.  Just don't know what yet or how to approach it and toying with different approaches hasn't yielded the results I've wanted so...it might be awhile longer before I finish it.  The plan is I'm holding back all the completed works until I'm completely done with it...and then I'll update with the finished works over a small time period.   On the side, I've also been creating a new character to join my crew.  It's been fun designing him even though I'm not finished, and I think he'll make an interesting addition to my cast of fan characters.  I've only showed him to two people so far but they've told me they like what they've seen, so that puts me in a very encouraged mood when drawing him.  The completion of that drawing though won't see an end for quite awhile I believe, probably a few months at least since I am slow as molasses at completing fully finished works these days. <.<;  However, that drawing won't affect me holding up uploading the rest of the finished works, and will be a separate update at some later time on its own.  I really like this character, and in and in creating him it has sparked a vibe of creativity in me that feels exciting and fresh.  If anyone cares for a hint, it's a Super Mario-based fan character...and he's not a Koopa.  Nor is he a Yoshi or anything of that sort.  So...yep, this is proving to be rather fun on the side indeed.
 
In any case, as you can see, my updates are rather spontaneous and take a long time to get around to finishing these days but I'm doing it at my own pace because drawing is supposed to be something one enjoys for themselves, and enjoys sharing with the rest of the world.  No pressure, no deadlines, it just gets done when it gets done.  I've had help from other artists in terms of outlining my recent works which greatly speeds up the process and is greatly appreciated, and those who have helped me will be credited in the works' final uploads.  Juggling art these days, let alone keeping up with finishing games to the end hasn't been easy these days as other things have kept me busy, but if all goes well, some new art will arrive within the next few months.  If I have any doodles to share in between, I'll upload 'em to my Scraps.  

TLDR; Version
-Health's been iffy, still hanging in there the best I can.
-Will be moving on March 2nd; might see a bit of reduced activity from me for awhile on and off while getting the new place set up.
-Shout-out to all my Skype friends; miss all of you and hope to catch up soon enough.
-New art is coming, some already finished; just not for awhile.

Sorry for the walls of text...but yeah, that's about it.  Hope everyone is doing well and having a wonderful new year so far.  Best wishes!


---------------------------------And thanks for all the page views and favorites and comments! Without you guys, I definitely wouldn't be here right now. I really appreciate all your support!
Friends:

November 27th, 2015: Hey everyone. It's been a few months since my last journal entry, so I thought I'd update.  I apologize in advance for the long read.  As a heads up I'm not looking for sympathy or anything here; this is just me updating about life happenings and rambling a bit because I wanted to get some things off my chest that have been bottled up for awhile.  I don't normally like to make journals like this because I hate negativity and depressing things but, here it goes.

Things in life have taken a bit of a downward spiral.  My dad's been having issues with his mobility because of some kind of ailment, possibly a strong case of gout or arthritis but nothing he's tried recommended by doctors he's been to since being discharged from a week-long hospital stay back in October has worked for him.  He's been using a walker to get around, and because we live on the top floor, he has difficulty getting up and down the flights of stairs.  Couple that up with his diabetes, and it's just difficult.  Me and my two siblings have been trying our best to help him out and help around the house or things we'd normally do outside the house like grocery shopping and laundry.  He's still trying to recover, but we have no idea what's going to get him better again so he can walk normally and not be in such pain.  

As for myself, things have been pretty tough too.  This past week and ongoing I've been rather consistently winded and short of breath, even doing something simple like sitting or walking.  Have been hobbling along a bit with a bit of a hop in my step, having to pause in between every few steps, and I tend to take in a lot of deep breaths.  Dunno what's causing it, as it could be any number of things.  I do know I'm underweight for my height and have been losing more weight over the past few months from taking long walks be it outside or on our treadmill to try to alleviate some of the pain from my chronic pain condition.  Otherwise, aside from moving around here and there to do things around the house, I'm either sitting or laying down a lot of the time because of the pain.  Also have been watching what I eat to be healthier but also because I've been conserving food and eating less since our financial situation thanks to losing a crucial source of longtime income in August has been straining our ability to go food shopping or do laundry as often as we used to.  Dealing with stress and daily anxiety has been making the winded feeling feel even worse, because I'm stuck in this skin of mine and I have no clue how to get it to stop.  The anxiety, is one of the worst things one could have that just makes things even harder to deal with, quite often enough I'm aware of my own breathing pretty often.  Tend to get small panic attacks and it's tough to try and calm down.  I do know I need to gain some healhy weight again somehow while still maintaining some sense of exercise.  Might be going to the ER tomorrow to have some tests done, although there's the chance they might want to admit me though I'm hoping not.  If I do, I'll try to make the best of it.  Gotta doctor appointment next Saturday to meet my new primary care doctor so I'm hoping he'll be nice and can help me out somehow.  What I have is a mystery; it could be me being dehydrated, it could be my childhood asthma coming back, it could be anemia...don't really know.  Felt so weak yesterday I couldn't even go with my family to see my mom's family for Thanksgiving, so I ended up staying home.  I don't even know what Christmas will be like honestly; I don't want any presents other than for my dad and I to feel better by then...or hopefully before.  I'm just hoping and praying this isn't permanent for either of us.  I can't picture living with this feeling for the rest of my life.  The chronic pain is already enough as it is, though I'd take that over having this winded feeling on top of it or even by itself.  And as I said, the anxiety makes things much harder to deal with.  Even just talking about the anxiety makes me feel anxious.  I don't know, I just know this year has been one of the worst ones my family and I have ever had to deal with.  It's enough to make somebody break down sometimes, I'll admit.  We've applied for aid here and there but have been turned down multiple times for stupid reasons.  Don't really have any money left myself except for $19 I've had since September and been saving to buy my hamster the food she needs.  And I was only able to get that money from trading in a few games at Gamestop for cash I knew I was no longer going to play.  

All I can say is...I just want some relief and things to get better for my family and I.  The only times I feel somewhat relieved are short random instances during the day and whenever I happen to get some sleep.  It's been tough for our family ever since we lost my mom two years ago but this year and especially lately has been the toughest since then.  

Anyway...I again apologize for the long rambling read.  Just thought I'd share what's been going on lately, to explain why I've been lurking most of the year on Skype or on the art scene.  I have been doing art throughout the year but haven't felt like uploading anything finished until I get the remaining things finished...which as of now are two things.  

Y-Man, if you're reading this right now, I apologize in advance for being super late with your birthday art I mentioned I was working on; I hope you don't mind waiting awhile more for it but whenever it gets finished it'll be the first thing I upload.

I'm really hoping to push this journal out of the way sometime soon, hopefully with some better news or at least something to push this out of the way.  It's been tough to do simple things throughout the day, be it walking around or even sitting.  Things I've wanted to do this year be they constructive or leisurely have been slowed down considerably because of my pain condition and anxiety and lack of income.  Still been helping out my dad with his ailment through all of this, but I'm just hoping some good news can come our way for a change.

Thank you for taking the time out to read this if you have.  I'll try my best to keep hanging in there the best I can, but man it's not getting any easier.  Just trying to take each day at a time, each moment at a time.  Hoping to get some answers soon enough, and some solid answers to our prayers.  That would be the best gift of all.  I hope everyone is doing well with their own lives, and I'm sending well wishes everyone's way.  Peace, and God Bless.


---------------------------------And thanks for all the page views and favorites and comments! Without you guys, I definitely wouldn't be here right now. I really appreciate all your support!
Friends:

August 19th, 2015: Just wanted to give my personal heartfelt thanks to everyone who turned out yesterday to wish me well on my birthday. Really means a lot, and I most certainly appreciate the kind words and thoughts that really made my day feel extra special.  Friends like you all are truly one in a million!

Had a good day; was originally going to hang out down the Shore with my family but plans changed so we kept it local and headed out to eat dinner at T.G.I. Friday's and had cake later on at home, but not before opening up presents and getting a New Nintendo 3DS XL along with some other cool things like a mini camera tripod and a handy tote bag.  Then later on I took a solo walk outside for about an hour around sunset, thinking of my Mom and hoping and wishing she was with us.  Overall, it was a nice easygoing day I'd say.

Thanks again to everyone!

August 9th, 2015: 

Originally wasn't going to do this since I don't usually do journal questionnaires anymore but since everyone else was...well, why not. #DeviantArtistQuestionnaire

1) How long have you been on DeviantArt?
8.5 years, 9 this upcoming November.
2) What does your username mean?
Bowser from Super Mario Bros. has always been one of my favorite characters, but Super Mario 64 really cemented him as one bad cool dude in my book thanks to that awesome, lovably 90s attitude rock theme song of his.  That, and the numbers are my birthday. 
3) Describe yourself in three words.
Nice, shy, introverted?

Also...lame Jersey kid.
4) Are you left or right handed?
I'm a righty. ALLLLLRIGHTY THEN.
5) What was your first deviation?
My very first submission was this entry into my very first fan art contest back on the now closed Official Nintendo NSider Forums. I was so sure the background alone was enough to solidify a win. One thing I am also very sure of: I will never again save my artwork as a .JPG file ever again.
6) What is your favorite type of art to create?
I dunno, because my art is usually a mix of traditional and digital. Usually starts out as a pencil or pen sketch and then gets colored in GIMP.  My favorite kind of subject matter usually deals with Nintendo or Sonic fan art...and I enjoy employing crossovers and puns sometimes too.
7) If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
I'd love to master some actual really good art skills, more than a particular style, to be honest. :b Progress, really. My friends have improved tenfold and I still draw and color like it's 2007.
8) What was your first favorite? 
9) What type of art do you tend to favorite the most?
Nintendo/Sonic fan art, art by friends or gift art.
10) Who is your all-time favorite deviant artist?
Don't have one. I enjoy a range of art from many different people, friends and strangers alike. However, I tend to view art my friends do more than anything else.
11) If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
Not really going to drop names here, though there are plenty of great friends I've met over the years that are still great friends to this day that I'd most definitely have an awesome time hanging out with.
12) How has a fellow deviant impacted your life? 
Plenty of friends have been there for me throughout the years, and some actually originated not here but over on the aforementioned Nintendo NSider Forums especially the Fan Art board over there. I've also made lots of good friends that started here too so that's also a meaningful thing. I am very grateful and humbled for having such friends. 
13) What are your preferred tools to create art?
I tend to use traditional means to start out a drawing which is usually a piece of typing paper or lined notebook paper with a pen or pencil. Then I usually transfer it over to my PC and color it in using GIMP. Lately many of my submissions have been created on my Wii U's Game Pad in Art Academy: Sketchpad or in Miiverse given I haven't been on my PC lately due to my chronic pain condition.
14) What is the most inspirational place for you to create art? 
This question confuses me. o.0; I'mma just go on ahead and say in my room, from my mind, I guess. :b
What is your favorite DeviantArt memory?
There's lots of inspirational memories since I joined here but one in particular that sticks out aside from meeting the many wonderful friends that I have here was coming across this in my in-box on my 20th birthday:  That year as many years before it and even still to this day I have dealt with depression and the many things that come from it. My friends came together in secret under an effort initiated by my great friend to create this heartfelt birthday card with personal messages of uplifting encouragement and inspiration to lift my spirits up. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes and I even showed it to my Mom that morning and she thought it was a truly nice thing my friends gathered together to do for me.  Having lost my Mom two years ago, it makes me glad she got to know that I have friends who have my back.  It still makes me smile every time I look back on it.

Thank you for reading!